Book: Until I Die by Diedra Duncan
Reviewed by Books and Bad Ideas (Jamie)
Rating: 4.5/5
Down. Right. Curve. Curve. Diagonal.
Always the same pattern, seemingly random, but my heart thuded as I connected the motions to familiar symbols.
These touches weren't absent at all.
They were letters.
Thank you so much to Deidra Duncan and The Nerd Fam for the opportunity to ARC this book!
Until I Die by Deidra Duncan is a dystopian romance set in a world that is the natural extension of a megalomaniac, Christian-right backed president deciding to abolish the presidency, establish an autocracy, and destroy the United States' Constitution in favor of a more restricted world view. Women are no longer full citizens. If you're queer, you might as well be dead. And to resist-- to defy-- is to sign your own death warrant.
I would like to start this review by saying this book is very much both a satisfying read and a hard read. So if your mental health is struggling in the current political and social climate, especially if you live in the United States, I strongly recommend reaching out to a reviewer to see a more extensive list of trigger warnings than is provided at the front of the novel. While the book is perhaps not difficult for people who have the optimism to believe we will survive where the world is currently at, it was definitely a stressful read for me in many ways. The content warnings, for where I was when I started reading, did not feel strongly worded enough, but I made it through the stress to the other side.
All of that being said, this book is an emotional ride from beginning to end. Sophia, despite being the FMC, is on a path of self-destruction that culminates in her agreeing to be the contact for a defecting, high ranking military leader within the new government structure. And what follows is both a path to utter decimation and salvation. Sophia's struggles feel real and heartfelt. They feel human to a degree that makes them very easy to empathize with. Perhaps what feels most genuine to me is the fact that she exists in a world where two things can be true at once: she is both moderately to severely depressed and self-destructive, and simultaneously deeply and humanly afraid. While many books might take a one side or the other approach to the character, the fact that Until I Die decides that straddling the line is the only way to be true to a character living through the end of their world and the beginning of a potentially even more terrifying one.
The relationship between Lucas and Sophia feels like something born of trauma bonding but has the potential to develop into something that is richer because they have both been through hell, lived in hell, and have still decided to choose each other when walking away may have been safer or, at the very least, easier. While I would definitely never go so far as to call Lucas Scott a cinnamon-roll-for-her character, he comes close. No one will touch Sophia and bring her to harm-- including him. Which is essentially what the title of the book-- Until I Die-- is born from. A deep need to protect her for who she is, rather than her namesake (a spoiler I will not include in this review).
This book ultimately reminded me of The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood meets the hopelessness and propaganda machine of The Hunger Games if they decided to have a baby with the sociopolitical moment of 2025/2026. It is a hard, stressful read that, to the very end, makes you question whether there can be a happy ending in the world of the book-- a world that is torn apart by loss and violence. Small spoiler: there is a happy ending, even if it doesn't look the way you may have hoped half way through the book.